Craziest. Fucking. Night. Evar.

by Blink

Wednesday, August 26 2008.

Alright, so this is my night out in Van Nuys. This city is usually quite teeming with hobos and mexican low-life immigrants in the daytime, but the funniest/craziest come out at night.

//Dog

I hate my poser friends. I shouldn't even be calling them posers; some of them are better than me at skating.

Why are they posers? Because they try to be skaters AND taggers at the same time. You see, in Southern California, most schools are pretty fucking diversified. Lots of diversity, but all in groups. Skaters don't hang out with bikers; gang members don't hang with the asians; asians don't hang with the black dudes or gang members (unless they're trying to be black, or they are Cambodian (usually Cambodians are considered "black asians" to me and my friends))

So anyways...

Some fat poser kid and me saw a dog that got ran over by it's legs. It was just sitting there yelping. Some other kids ran to tell this Armenian lady who owned the dog. She and her husband came and picked it up. Then just...left. (had to summarize that part, it was not funny)

//#moap

So I went back inside, to wait until my mom left for work, in which I'd go out and skate again. Meanwhile, I was talking on this stupid channel called Mob of Angry Peasants. (moap)

I hate #moap. They make me sick, like a...a huge greasy ivory phallus standing above the rest of the internet. Yet somehow the college-level attitude of some regs, and the complete idiocy of other regs, and blinkh (biggest noob/fagg0r there) makes that place sorta fun.

After my mom left, I left #moap and headed out.

//Sheephouse Gaps

Alright, so there's this church, right? A fucking two stair with like, these three perfect fucking rails next to it. then next to that, there are these concrete blocks that you can trick out from, which you'd go over this large section of grass, before getting to the ground.

I call it the Sheephouse gaps, because the place has the name "Sheephouse" in it. rofl.

So after exploring these areas, while walking, a security guard spotted me, but didn't say anything. (I wasn't skating). I kept walking.

I walked jumped a fence into the church parking lot, and walked through to the other side of the church. There the security guard spotted me walking out of the parking lot.

"Hey. Boy. There is no skating in here ok?" He said with a funny African accent.
"I wasn't skating." I said bleakly.

So after I walked out of the parking lot, I walked up the street to a little jungle jim surrounded by a fence, which I hopped. After playing on the jungle jim (yes, I sometimes play on jungle jims) for a few minutes, I walked up the street some more, where the security guard spotted me yet again.

Guard: Hey I tell you to no skating around here yaung man!
Me: I wasn't f**king skating I already told you that! I was just walking around.
Guard: No no I saw you skating near the parking lot--
Me: No I wasn't! Leave me alone--
Guard: Do you want me to call the cops on you? hm?

At this point, i'm just walking away.
He keeps following me.

Guard: Hmm? Get off this church now ok?
Or I call de..ahh de police on you!

So I skate away. At the crosswalk, I see him flipping out his cell phone. So I just skate away, Laughing. People have no respect for skaters, here. I don't get why bikers are allowed in church parking lots, but skaters aren't. It's better to be in a parking lot then out on the streets, right? Right.

//Racist Lady

So i'm back at Albertsons. In the back of the parking lot, doing tricks and shit. Parked on the side of the lot, I see a 18-wheeler truck. I love skating quickly underneath 18-wheelers, especially when they're on. This one was off. So i'm about to skate under it, and out of nowhere, there's this guy! On the other side! So I stop...and look under.
Me and this guy are just staring at each other from underneath the 18-wheeler.

Me: ...So...what are you doing here?
Mexican: Oh me? Just...chilling.
Me: Oh, alright. I'm just here...skating around at 11:00 at night.
Mexican: I'm just...getting drunk right now maing.
Me:...ok.

Apparently it was him and another guy, probably passed out. So I back out from under the truck, and go to another section of the parking lot.

And out near where all the carts are, in the dark somewhere, I hear this lady. I guess she saw me, and so she starts yelling out all these insults.

Lady: Ehhh binche negrito
Me: ...
Lady: Negrito es un hoto...
Me: ......
Lady: (other Spanish insults go here)

So I just start flipping this lady off. Over and over and over again. Just...doing that. and laughing too. So after i'm finished, I start doing more tricks again. And when i'm about to leave back home, I look in her direction. She starts cussing at me again!!! So I flipped her off once more, then left.

I don't like Mexicans. Seriously. Mainly because some of them are racist, like Mr. Mousetrap...nah. Mousetrap is cool, but still, some of them are really fucking racist, and they think that they're the best race on Earth. (Just like white people do) Especially a friend of mine named Pako (typical name)

All he does are make racist jokes toward me every fucking day, and i've had to make jokes back. He's the main reason why I don't really like them.

They used to be cool until I met him. Faggot.

//Safe spot

So for the rest of the night, i'm just skating around the city, looking for stairs, spots to skate with lighting. I went to the top of the hospital parking lot. Six fucking floors. And I snuck past security there just to get to the top. It was a beautiful view of the city. To the north, the hospital building

and Panorama City off in the distance. You could see the tall builing of the Food Court of The Plant. The Plant is our hangout spot (sometimes) a bunch of

resturants, shopping centers and a movie theater there. As well as the police station in the back. To the South, you could see the outline of the San Fernando valley hills, the light in the back being the light-polluted fail that is Los Angeles(at least there are enough trees here to see the brightest stars at night. In LA you can't see shit). And to the Southeast, the tall buildings of Century City and Wilshire (where the Climax scene of Transformers was filmed) And to the West, mostly dark skies, for this was where the ocean lay not too far over the hills.

And so, I went back home, to write about this uninteresting night on the town. You'd say it was fun if you were there. ._.