Chapter 25: The Nabby Icing

Hello there and welcome to Chapter 25. By this point you’re probably freaking out and/or calling the F.B.I, so I’m pleased to congratulate you on surviving thus far and begging you to give it just a bit more time before you make your final judgements on the world of the Mob of Angry Peasants.

 

Of course, by “you”, I am referring almost undoubtedly to people who are already MOAPers and a swarm of googlebots, so let’s get down to it.

 

As you may have guessed from the title, this chapter is about Nab. Newnab. Nabby. Any of the above and many more names but all with Nab in there somewhere. I’m the oft misunderstood rapscallion who is supposedly responsible for all and any sexual perversion in the chat room. And this is my story.

 

I slowly dragged my suitcase towards the white, shining door... Number seven or number 8 must’ve been the house number. My temporary chauffeur looked at me as if expecting thanks. I responded with simply “Smell ya later”.

Seriously though, I’m not here to tell a story, because I’ve got hundreds and not one is fit for internet consumption. I want to talk to y’all on a theoretical basis about a simple concept. One we base our lives around. One we talk about like no other. Some of you may know it as the Fifth Element.

 

I simply call it “love”.

 

Hideki Naganuma once explored this very topic in his classic song “Concept of Love”, though all of us were too busy playing Jet Set Radio Future to notice. And sadly the only conclusions he ever came to was that, when you understood it you would feel superior and tell other people to understand it while randomly saying “Huh.”

Other songs have touched on it. Those of you who cried not twice but thrice at Karate Kid 2 like I did will no doubt remember the amazing “Glory of Love” by Peter Cetera. This song compares love to a knight in shining armour “from a long time ago”. But is love nothing more that chivalry with a burning desire to fuck?

...

No not always. >_>

 

Love comes in many different forms. Perhaps the most important to me that I’ve discovered in my life is the love that accompanies the strongest friendship you can imagine. An undying trust, a longing to just be around that special someone and caring about them enough to make any sacrifice if it were necessary.

I’m not sure if any of MOAP has experienced it. Or indeed if many of them even believe in things such as love. Cynical is the storm front that blows on the shores of MOAP beach. And Alex Garland was spot on.

Anyway my friendship loves are currently in a state of disarray. The amount I hurt everyday hoping for things to be back to normal is absolutely astounding. I don’t know if they’ll even ever be my proper friends again. And love is why it hurts.

Another way people can love is love of an object. Money or a fleshlight, usually. But for many of us... Hell I think you guys love MOAP. In a way I think I do. Almost as much as I hate it. It’s a sick, disgusting part of my life and yet it doesn’t feel right without it. It feels... Essential, now.

One concept of love is that of religion. Loving a god. I don’t want to get into it too much because I sit on the fence (And not just because I like the poles in my ass, giggle giggle). A struggle with belief is at the absolute cornerstone of everything I do. If Pascal were alive today, I’d be in his casino. Agnosticism is my game and here’s why.

From a purely philosophical point of view. God doesn’t exist. Maybe. Oh fucksticks, hell if I know.

Basically,in Psychology there’s this thing called the Mind/Body debate.  And it’s like. What is a mind? Is a mind like a soul? Is it unphysical?

This is what many believers in God would like to believe. That unphysical things exist in this world. However. A mind is simply... What the body does. And everything the body does is physical. The mind and body are not separate.... If you damage your body you can damage your mind. And equally, as Descartes once suggested but has now been shot down... How can the physical and the unphysical possibly interact?

The answer is that they can’t. Souls, minds, etc. None of it is really real. Just a product of physical things. To that end, the laws of physics must apply to everything. Including laws about energy transferral and no energy ever being lost. We must have found every energy type because none of it is ever lost into a mysterious void.

So what the hell is all this shit? You know what? Philosophy turns people into fucking dicks. Including me. I am currently a humungous penis sitting in a chair writing about wank.

 

Because if God is real and is testing faith, and if he is infinite in his knowledge and perfection, then he would create a world where he was unexplainable and even theoretically impossible. If he exists... We can’t outsmart him.

And even though I’m an avid fan of Derren Brown, a proclaimed sceptic who tries to explain every Psychic as a trickster... I KNOW people who consider themselves Psychic. Who truly believe 100% and wouldn’t lie to me.

How the hell can anyone make a choice in a world like this. I just try to do right by God and hope he forgives me for being a massive cunt sometimes. If he’s real. In a way I hope he is because some atheists are knobs and I want to see them in Hell for ironic humour.

Oh. Shit. Where was I.

Love. Ok let’s move onto the big hitting shitstorm. The real deal. The romantic love. The one which involves the two people having sex at some point.  I’m unsure whether to consider myself eligible for this category. There is a girl that I care intensely about. Truly intensely. And sometimes I can feel the words “I love you” bubbling in my throat... But I don’t think she’d like to hear it, most of the time.

Actually this brings me onto a fantastic point. More related to my friendship love bit than this. The internet. Can Love exist on it? If you’re sitting there saying “No” then fuck you.

The internet has an enormous potential for liars and two-facedness and people being who they’re really not. Hell, I’m not the Nab you MOAPers know and I’m not even the Nab the googlebots have been scanning on the interwebs half the time. But that doesn’t mean all bets are off. It doesn’t mean love isn’t possible in this domain.

It just makes it difficult. Perhaps I should sum up my overall view of friendships and love on the internet... It can’t stay there... But it’s a bloody good place to start if you’ve got nowhere else. Eventually every planted seed has to wriggle it’s way above the surface and see if it can make it out in the real world after being buried and suckling the nutrients of its surroundings. The next few years of my life, I hope, will be the stages where I burst free of my internet shackles and find out if there’s anything to any of my relationships or if I’m a monumental inherently unlikeable asshole with no hope and no future.

So I was telling you about the icky love. And as I was ranting and raving I think I thought of a way to explain it... It’s not a “thing”. None of the forms of love are. It’s a “completeness”. It’s like you’re a jigsaw puzzle smashed and as your live progresses you draw your own pieces together... But some are missing. Some very important pieces are missing. In our quests to complete ourselves we branch out and become human with our communicative skills* and our open arms and make ourselves better through others. And that’s why it feels so incredible.

Do any of the people I’ve talked about thus far actually belong in my puzzle? That remains to be seen. But goddamn. As the days go by, they all feel like great fits.

 

 

* Did you know, humans actually took a physical evolutionary step backwards in order to be able to speak? The same bodily feature that allows humans to talk, also allows them to choke.  It’s the only case where a physical impracticality has lost out to a mental advantage as far as I know. And that’s bloody amazing. God knows how Evolution worked that one out... Haha